We had ahead of us the MOTHER of all Mother’s Days. The stars had aligned for all significant and major events in my life to fall on this glorious day. I was finally mom. In my arms was this incredible son who had just come into my life in December with adoption and growing in my womb was a little life. After years of infertility and loss, I felt like this Mother’s Day Church service could be something for me to celebrate and share in instead of dread. The church we attended had a children’s dedication service on Mother’s Day where new moms and dads stood up front to show off their new little babes and have the church pray over them. We had invited our family intown, excited and proud to stand in front of our friends and family with our extraordinary son and share the news about my pregnancy.
After church, the plan was to attend my graduation ceremony. I was walking the stage with my Masters, having completed the program to be a Family Nurse Practitioner. I will be honest, I was nerding out about wearing a hood with my cap and gown. It felt so legit.
Standing up in front of the church that morning in my green dress, this weird thought came to me:
“This is the same dress I wore to a wedding last year when I had my first miscarriage.”
On the way home from church I started bleeding. My in-laws and my parents were at our house and we were all getting ready to leave for my commencement. I could not shake the thought that I was losing the baby. Overthinking, I kept asking myself:
“Why did I wear this damn dress today?”
By lunch, I was cramping and the bleeding had not stopped. Instead of driving to the ceremony, we apologized to our family and drove to the hospital. I knew there was nothing the doctor could do, but I just had to know….
Is there hope?
The loveliest gift I received that day was not a card, flowers, or chocolate covered strawberries. There on the ultrasound, we saw a little bean with a little heart beat. Beating inside of me was this gift of Hope.
The pretty version of the story should stop here. The gift of hope I received that day was real and true. We did not know the grief that was hiding around the corner. Even though several weeks later we miscarried, I still look on that moment as precious. This precious reminder that there is hope to be found on mother’s day. I look back on this day and smile as I consider how today my heart and minivan and both full.
Perhaps this Mother’s Day, you need a gift of HOPE.
Hope anchors us to peace. A peace believing it might just all turn out better than we can ask of imagine.
May you hold tightly onto hope today wherever you are in your journey today.
Today is your Mother’s Day too.