Advantage us

"The only way to care for the disadvantaged – is to disadvantage yourself –which is guaranteed to turn out for your advantage."
-Ann Voskamp

Here is the deal. I love that everyone thinks I am awesome. Mainly, because 1) it might be true 2) the encouragement is appreciated 3) My self-esteem has greatly improved (something I sometimes struggle with). HOWEVER,  the response I hear frequently after sharing our story is, "You guys are awesome." or "He is so lucky."  I get that sometimes people might be at a loss for words and this feels like a good place to start.  I mean really, what is the appropriate response to finding out about the orphan crisis in Eastern Europe and then hearing we want to adopt a child with DS?

Can I confess a little something? I feel a little burdened by the awesomeness. I love the encouragement  but let me interject with a quick disclaimer. While I do whole heartedly believe we are saving his life, he in return, is saving mine.
We will never require him to be grateful for what we have done. We are grateful he is ours. He is my gift from God. 

We struggle with awesomeness.  There are days I fall quite short of it actually. Days and weeks where I wrestle with this decision and my future. Moments where I do or say completely un-awesome things to my husband or think less than awesome of the people around me. Once Baby D is home there will be days where I am frustrated with him and parenting in general.  I can only imagine the  amount of awesomely-bad-parenting-decisions I will make.  Thankfully, our AWESOME GOD  can supply grace over all this awesome unawesomeness.

Further, what would be truly awe-inspiring is if we could turn a country upside in their structure and beliefs so that families would be equipped and encouraged to keep their babies with special needs in the first place. That his mama, and the other mama's, would not be afraid or shamed by their baby's extra chromosome or disabilities and be given the tools and education to love and raise their children. I feel like we are simply putting a band-aid over a dehiscing wound that needs someone to suture it up.

The other response I frequently get is "Could you guys not have kids of your own" or "Do you struggle with infertility?" or The best one yet.... Ready..... it is good:

"Do you not want to try for your own kids first?"

Well nosy-pants. We do struggle with infertility. The journey through infertility has been bumpy and long but it led us to a place where our heart were open to this adoption- for which I am incredibly grateful.  But I have news:

This not our replacement child. THIS IS OUR OWN CHILD.
Who knows how or when God will choose to grow our family in the future?

The bottom line here: Advantage us.