It's nice to meet you.

Nov. 15-

We woke up knowing we were most likely not going to the orphanage today. We were told we would have to wait till Monday. What they said made sense logically, but emotionally, "Can I just meet my son already people?!?!"
We had our DAP referral appointment the day before and it was pretty much uneventful. We sat on a couch and found out our little man's birth name and his legal diagnosis. Nothing more. We had brought a copy of his listing picture to swap out with the baby picture stapled to his legal packet. Serge quickly ripped it off and stuffed the new one in his folder when the referral lady walked out of the room.

Today, the plan was to pick up our official legal referral for Little Buddy at one building at 3 pm, fill out some more paperwork, get that paperwork notarized and bring it back to the original DAP building. This process and traffic would mean not making the hour long trip out to the orphanage in time. BUMMER.

Our facilitator call at 2 pm and said she was sending a taxi our way to get us because she was rushing to try to finish all the paperwork herself and (no promises) try to get us out to the orphanage today!
I tried not to get too excited.
"Can we call our parents? Should I post it on our Facebook page?'  The hubs was already celebrating and wanted to share the update.
My thoughts quickly turn to our miscarriage, to losing our first referral for Octavian, to three years of infertility. The pain of sharing news too soon.
No. Don't share yet- it might not happen. 
I know disappointment all to well, I do not plan out encountering it here. I refuse to get carried away too soon this time.
We get the paperwork notarized, picked up the official referral and hop in our facilitator's Nissan Milano to head to the orphanage.
"How 'bout now, Can I tell people we are on our way to meet him?" 
A sea of red break lights in front of us. Traffic.
No. Don't Share yet- it might not happen. 
Traffic was horrible.  My brain keeps reminding my heart- it's not going to happen. Don't get disappointed. Our facilitator tells us she has called the assistant director of the orphanage who has gone home for they day (I knew it)
BUT…. She is going to meet us back up there whenever we arrive so we can meet our son!
The breath is sucked out of me. Is the really going to happen?
No. Don't Share yet…... but maybe…. could this happen?
At 5 pm we pull into a spot across from the orphanage and walk through the green gate up the path and through the door.
My heart now told my brain-
We go upstairs and meet a sweet assistant orphanage director who directs us to take off our coats and sit down. She runs back down the stairs. I cannot sit. I pace. I awkwardly dance. I hug our facilitator and make weird laughing noises.

So thankful for our facilitator! We love her!

I obviously at this point, no longer know what to do with myself.

She walked in with a little wide-eyed blue bundle and placed him in my arms. 
He looked into my eyes and I was done. Screw Disappointment. I'm all in!

It could all go wrong. We might not pass court. International adoptions have risks. There are reasons to fear.  A life long lesson in parenting a child with special needs lies ahead. A lesson in parenting in general.

But here in this moment, was no fear, just love.

This snuggle, this snuggle right here, this is where the truth sunk in that God is working things together for good, that He has plans to give me hope and a future. I was sitting there holding that hope and future in my arms. Forgive me Lord for my persistent disbelief in that promise. Thank you for walking me through my disbelief and for the grace to take me on this journey in spite of it.