Sometimes it confuses me, you know. There is this fine line I try to tiptoe along, arms stretched out from my side, wobbling back and forth. When I finally start to feel my footing secure, confident in who I am, who God calls me to be and what God is doing through me; suddenly I lean back the other way, squirming unbalanced between worried I am arrogant, then almost falling off altogether by the weight of disbelief in myself. (Which really is a disbelief in something/someone bigger, right?)
My struggle with insecurity and self-esteem is no secret.
Amazing Grace. It is true it is amazing. The whole point is that we didn't deserve it, we didn't earn it, God gave it. This is the truth BUT that is not the end of the story.
HE CHOSE YOU. He believes in you enough to send his Holy Spirit to live inside of you. He calls you his daughter.
He believes in you. You were created to be you. When we come into the kingdom (or insert whatever over-used christian culture cliche here you prefer) He doesn't say: Well thats good cuz you were junk before….
HE says HALLELUJAH! I created her. I loved her before. I love her still. I love her always.
He made you unique. With such purpose. WITH SUCH LOVE.
I think sometimes
We dwell in this realm of broken. We get stuck at the "we are all sinners" camp site and set up camp making us some burnt marshmallows wishing we could do more. Giving cynical judgmental stares at the women and men out doing "BIG" things. We linger around acting like we don't deserve more. We forget to move forward to rest in the peace that He thinks we do.
Grace. We don't deserve it. We cannot earn it. This is suppose to be liberating. It is for FREEDOM that Christ set us free. Not to feel in chained by grace or darkness. By a before or the after. When the after is not all rainbows and unicorns we tend to question the authenticity of our encounter that brought us out of the before.
Grace is not a one time event. It cannot be confined or defined in before and after parameters. This kind of love, this remarkable grace, cannot be contained.
It sets us FREE.
Oh to embrace the freedom of grace. We are free to be the unique and wonderful daughters of the KING.
Not arrogantly, but confidently walking. Walking through our stories. My story includes a journey of faith. Some days I still struggle with this walk. With my story. With my faith.
Yet I am set free. I am free to be me in the fullest way. He chose me. He loves me.
He steadies my tittering as I walk along. He reminds me I need not stretch out my arms side to side- an inefficacious reach to steady myself. I can stretch my arms high, waving in praise and redemption. Confident to walk freely in who He made me and in what He calls me to.
He loves you AS IS. That's not arrogant. Because THAT IS FOR EVERYONE! That is for YOU!
(Shout out to my son who is reminding me about being loved AS IS daily. Woot Woot Little Man)